I had four children in seven years. I survived -- even thrived -- after I discovered one consistent approach that I learned by taking parenting workshops from and with parents who knew what it was like to yell at little kids, feel guilty, and start over the next day, wanting to do better, but lacking the skill.
Workshops taught me to take action before losing patience, to give up punishment and reward and to use the magic of encouragement. Our home became calmer and happier. I gave up most yelling, threatening, punishing, nagging, bribery and hitting -- none of which work anyway.
The workshops -- and practice at home! -- taught me how to use family meetings, power-sharing, mutual respect, the magic of encouragement and belonging, family dinner and chores, and how to use natural and logical consequences instead of punishment and reward. The workshops were filled with laughter, connection and how to create a plan to use at home. Mostly I learned how to change my behavior, so my children would respond better. It works!
After two years of taking courses, I totally changed how I related to my children and how I set limits. I felt better about myself as a mother. I'm forever grateful for this knowledge and wanted to share it with others. I began lead parenting workshops. My workshops and book have many stories from experience -- meaning how I learned from mistakes.
Books and courses gave me insight into the behavior of my children and a plan of how to respond differently the next time. Children usually provide a "next time," until we get it right. Being a mother has been the toughest job I've ever loved.
There is no other responsibility on the planet that is as long-lasting as the legacy of love and trust we pass down from generation to generation. If we bat .500, our children will learn to make good decisions.
During the first dozen years I encouraged my kids to practice making independent decisions. When they became teens, I trusted them when they were 60 miles away, going 60 miles an hour. They decided to wear a seat belt, and drive safe and sober with good friends.
My children did chores as soon as they could walk. Chores give children confidence and a can-do attitude. Chores will teach your children self-discipline and nurture their self-esteem.
I have lived this parenting approach, which is based on the psychology of Alfred Adler, MD, a crony of Freud and Jung. I understand the struggle of parenthood because I dedicated my life to it for 17 years as a stay-at-home mom. Then I rode the crazy horse of being employed outside of the home with 'tweens and teenagers at home. These strategies work for all children from tots to teens, for typical kids, those with ADD and ADHD and with special needs. Every family can benefit from positive parenting.
My favorite feedback from parents in my workshops is, "Susan, you've helped me more than the professionals in ivory towers."
I look forward to hearing how the strategies work in your home.
Leave a comment at www.raisingable.com. Contact me at susan (at) susantordella (dot) net and 978-772-3930.
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